Well folks, it’s the 1st day of a new year. Mine is just starting here in Maui after a LONG night of fireworks (they don’t mess around in Maui).
At midnight, there was not a lull in the action for 20+ minutes. I timed it.
This morning I’m reflecting on the past year. I know a lot of people say it was a rough year for them, but I feel like it was awesome.
I do believe I say that every year. Collectively, at the end of 365 days, I guess I always just feel enormously grateful to have been alive. The good always seems to outnumber the bad in my book somehow.
I didn’t choose a word for 2017, but if I had it might have been grow. Or less politically correct, eff it. Although, that’s more of a phrase.
2017 was the year I started to believe that living out my dreams and desires was more important than abiding by the arbitrary rules of the game that society drew up. I was finally able to redefine success into something that felt right to me.
For a long time I’ve struggled with a feeling that the world’s standards of success as I knew them (house, car, bank account, status) really didn’t feel important to me. I tried. We had a nice car, a great house, I decorated it up. But, in the end, we were as or more happy in our 18 ft trailer or a 1 bedroom air bnb, and all I ever wanted to do with that beautiful house, was leave it behind. It just stressed me out.
I’d lived in the same town for 35 years (basically) and still never felt connected. Maybe that’s my own fault and maybe it’s not, but one begins to wonder if there is a place in the world for them when the only place they’ve ever known feels foreign.
But there was fear. A lot of fear. And that fear of rejection and change kept me locked in that place that seemed safe for far too long. The safety of the known, accepted, and stable. The fear of judgement was crippling.
When the opportunity came to move 4000 miles, I karate chopped the fear and jumped into the unknown. It hasn’t been what I expected but I don’t regret it. I grew more in 60 days than I have in the previous life time. I realized I was a square peg and I was trying to live in a round hole.
I recently went back to my “home” town for the 1st time since moving in October. It was an amazing visit, and I enjoyed reconnecting with everyone, but it didn’t feel like home anymore. Then I realized it never really had. It took me 35 years to realize that home isn’t a spot on the map, but a feeling inside.
I have an itch to go and see and do. Home is acceptance, support, and community. It’s my kids faces when they see something for the first time. It’s connection and relationship. And I’ve grown to realize, at this point in my life, home is where I roam. A stationary place just feels like a prison sentence.
I must wander.
In 2017, we flew from Hawaii to Texas a whopping 7 times. We visited Florida. We spent 5 weeks in New Mexico and a week in San Antonio. We took a few camping trips. And it was greatness.
The word for 2018 is GO. Let’s go. I’ll give it a go. I have a lot of get up and go. All systems are go.
I want to keep growing and going and learning about me. Experiencing and seeing what the world has to offer. Meeting new people.
2018… I can’t wait to see what we do together.