So many things have happened, and been happening. So many things unknown.
Doubt is like a marker held on a piece of paper. It starts a small spot, but if you continue to hold it in one place, it begins to spread. It will eventually bleed and tear through the layers, saturating everything.
Our time in Maui is ticking down. None of it is what we thought it would be, but it’s also much more.
I wrestled with doubt before we came, although, I imagined it was just a natural consequence of doing something you’ve never done.
Since we came here, Clint has lost 4 loved ones. Each phone call brought another painful reminder that we weren’t there. Not for our family as support during loss. Not for those lost. Not for those living, who’s time on earth we truly cherish, but know is not infinite.
Then, Reghanne expressed that in the fall, she didn’t want to travel. And then, we got another call. One that hit a bit too close to home.
We will be moving back to Texas in some capacity. We return. And some days, it feels like we’ve lost SO much.
Our home and business can be rebuilt. And we can build both in a way that makes more sense for us.
Our dream of being here has been both realized and lost. This is a tricky feeling, and it cuts deep.
And I’ve lost confidence in my ability to make decisions. That one, that’s the mountain that I have to climb everyday… when you don’t trust yourself, everything gets a little bit harder.
It’s not all loss, that just weighs the heaviest right now in my season of grief.
We’ve gained. So much. Memories, experience, perspective… a LOT of perspective. And incredible friends…
Which brings back the sense of loss in a vey real way. We do very much want to go with our friends to Washington and continue our adventure with them. They are truly wonderful, loved deeply, and will be missed intensely by ALL of us. The timing just isn’t right, for now. They have made space in our hearts, where they will always remain.
We have wrestled with the decision without ever talking to our kids about any of it. Yesterday, we finally asked what they wanted. (We are a bit slow, I know) and, after spending 3 months without their sister) all they really wanted was to be near her again. My ❤…
So we return, triumphant and failures in the same breath. See you soon…